


Never The Same

by AWalkingParadox



Series: You Will Be Found [4]
Category: Hamilton - Fandom
Genre: Gen, This is not Jamilton I Swear—, i dont Do romance stuff, kinda deep tho
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-25
Updated: 2017-11-25
Packaged: 2019-02-06 16:26:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 812
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12821421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AWalkingParadox/pseuds/AWalkingParadox
Summary: When you look at the night sky, you see the stars.When Alexander all the darkness the world has to offer, Thomas helps him see the bright side.





	Never The Same

•—•  
“Wait.” He repeated once more. Calm, poised, as if they had all the time in the world.  
Alex whirled around, somehow managing to not lose his footing. “What are you doing? Let me go.”  
“No.”  
“Jefferson. Let me go. Let me die.” He pleaded.  
“Fine.” Thomas released his arm, watching surprise flicker in his eyes. “You can jump. You can do what you want.”  
“Thank you—“  
“But you lose everything.” He stared levelly into the shorter man’s eyes.  
“What?” Alex hissed, clenching his fists. He almost passed out from the pain. “What do you mean?”   
“You lose all of this.” Thomas gestured at the rising sun, at their school over at the distance. He points to the cars driving pass, ignorant of what was happening. He waves his hands toward the hospitals door. It was almost visiting hours.   
Alex laughed bitterly. “And? My friends might feel sad, yes, but they’ll be fine. I have no family. I don’t even know why you’re trying to stop me. You hate me.”  
Thomas flinch imperceptibly at the certainty in his voice. “They won’t feel ‘sad’” He rolled his eyes. “They’ll be devastated. You’re more than a friend to them, Hamilton. You’re their family.”  
“People die all the time. They’ll move on.” Alex shook his head.   
“They won’t. They’ll never move on. Didn’t you know what happened when you committed suicide the first time?” Thomas growled. “They drove here immediately, they stayed for hours, hope diminishing ever second, but they held on. Elizabeth and Margarita locked themselves in their room. Angelica didn’t touch her food. James and Aaron didn’t even attend class much, often skipping. They’re sensitive to theses things. Aaron lost his girlfriend, Theodosia, to suicide. It was quick and,” He snapped his fingers. “She was gone. James had suffered through depression. He almost died once, at fourteen. I found him unconscious on the floor, a bottle of pills in his hand. I had never felt so scared.”  
Alex trembled slightly. “What are you trying to say?”  
“That people care about you! I know it’s hard to believe,” he laughed dryly, “but they do. You yourself know what it’s like to lose a loved one to death. You know how much it freaking hurts.” Thomas ran a hand through his hair, eyes shining brightly. “You know how much you want to move on, you can’t. Because you cannot forget them, because they’ll always be part of you, and when there gone, there’s a hole that can never be replaced. And that’s what will happen, Hamilton. That what’s going to happen if you jump.”  
Alex blinked back tears, staring at Thomas carefully. “How do you know this?”  
“Because I went through it.” Thomas said quietly. “Because I know what it’s like to miss someone so much that each day seems like a mountain to climb. I know what it’s like to have such a gaping hole in your life, to want a better life, to feel so much pain and sorrow that you can’t even leave your bed.”  
Alex didn’t go down, but he did step away from the edge, even if just a little bit.  
Thomas let out a ragged breath. “You can never forget them. You don’t have to move on. You just have to live. Live life, remember them, and live for them. Live your life for them, don’t let their memory be erased. If you jump, all their sacrifice, Washingtons, your mother, all their sacrifice will be for nothing. Don’t let that happen. You have a chance to be better. The journey’ll be long, it will be painful, but it’ll be worth it.”  
Alex stood still on the ledge, eyes bright, hair framing his face, mouth curled back at the edges to hold back tears.  
“Come down, Alexander.” Thomas said gently. “Come home.”  
Alex tense for a moment, before letting out a sob and climbing down, leaning against the wall. He doubled over, hands and knees on the ground, fear and anger and pain and sadness and relief and shock washed over him at once. And for once, he let it happen with out a fight. Like water on shore, he let it come.  
At the sound of footsteps, Alex looked up and saw Thomas holding out a hand, a grim smile on his face.  
“Come on.”  
Alex accept, feeling both emotionally and physically drained. He let Thomas support him as they made their way back to his room.  
He climbed onto the bed as Thomas talked with the panicking doctor outside.  
“Thank you.” Alex said once Thomas had entered.   
Thomas shrugged. He too felt exhausted. “It helped me as much as you. It helped, being able to say what I felt.”  
Alex nodded. “I may never be fixed. Healed. Back to normal.” He gave the Virginian a bittersweet smile. “But I’ll try to get better.”  
“That’s all you need to do.”  
•—•

**Author's Note:**

> One or two more to go!


End file.
